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EFFECTIVE MARITAL CONFLICT RESOLUTION STRATEGIES: You can start today!

Do you know the affects marital conflict has on your marriage?

Did anyone ever tell you conflict creates a strong marriage?

Key is using healthy conflict resolution.

Imagine this…

You’ve safely zipped that beautiful dress in the bag. Tucked those carefully handpicked high heels on the top shelf of the closet with care. And taken the last bin of wrapping paper from those gifted kitchen appliances and picture frames to the recycling.

The wedding is finally over. Now what?

Fight the good fight of faith, lay hold on eternal life, whereunto thou art also called, and hast professed a good profession before many witnesses. For God is my witness, whom I serve with my spirit in the gospel of his Son, that without ceasing I make mention of you always in my prayers; 1Timothy 6:12, Romans 1:9

”7

Are you ready to be honest with yourself about how healthy your marriage really is? Get the 7 secrets to fixing your marriage.

MAJOR MARRIAGE PROBLEMS APPEAR

Pandora’s box fly’s open and all the things come rushing out. Jealousy, insecurities, resentment, anger you didn’t know was there. Difference of opinion on having children and working, date nights, intimacy and a whole lot more.

All these unresolved conflicts have you spinning in every direction. Bottomline, your marriage is falling apart at rapid speeds. 

What happened to happily ever after?

WHAT IS MARITAL CONFLICT

In truth, this is where marriage lives. The guests are gone. All that remains are you and your spouse. I get it, you married your “best friend”. In fact, I see an annual anniversary “married my best friend” Facebook post in the making.

Of course, your new, until-death-bestie may be a pro at barely missing the laundry basket every time. Thank goodness your income doesn’t rely on his aiming skills. Maybe, he won’t put the lid back on the toothpaste to save his own life. Or he’s conveniently forgotten to take the garbage out for the third day in a row, for the 27th time this month!

Wondering how you missed all this? This is the stuff marital conflict is made of.

An argument the size of Jupiter could break out over a sink of dirty dishes and leave you baffled.

In case no one informed you before, you’ve just made the biggest relationship commitment of your life to a flawed human being. Ta Da!

However, marriage problems aren’t truly because the flaws our spouse has but how we choose to handle the conflict that comes out of the flaws.

Marriage is a funny thing. On one hand, we long to have someone there by our side to share life with. Yet, you can be as sure as rain is wet that marital conflict will come.

Like it or not.

Settle in my friend, it’s going to get interesting over the next 20, 30, 60 years. But, let me reel this back in, marriage conflict doesn’t have to be the end all.

 

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WHAT CAUSES MARITAL CONFLICT

Without a doubt, marriage is the most sanctifying relationship on earth. Your bestie will not only memorize your every button Including the ones you didn’t know existed.

He’ll track them down, 2 by 2, by 4, by 8 at a time and PUSH THEM ALL!

Fact being, anything can cause marital conflict from dirty dishes to verbal abuse. But ultimately it’s selfish pride that fuels it.

Ideally both parties should humble themselves to put the fire out. When any marriage problem shows up, taking a humble step back to get a good perspective will make all the difference.

Essentially, the key to effective conflict resolution is learning “how” to handle conflict with wisdom and fairness.

 

KNOW YOUR ENEMY

First, I wanna get the big one out of the way. Say it with me. . .

MY SPOUSE IS NOT MY ENEMY!

Although it’s going to seem like it when conflict strikes like a match to dry wool. There will be words or actions that hurt. Yelling and insults thrown with zero regard for the pain it’ll cause. Some so deep it touches your core. It’s imperative you remember…

MY SPOUSE IS NOT MY ENEMY!

Unfortunately, hurt people hurt people. If you haven’t actively prepared for random and intentional marriage conflict, arguing will be a fly by the seat of your pants ordeal. And honestly, no one will benefit from that. Ask me how I know.

In the moment, it’s easy to attack the threat. Sad to say, the threat looks exactly like your spouse.

Take a deep breath and repeat, my spouse is not my enemy.

Instead remember, they’re your until-death-bestie. When emotions are high it feels like a personal attack. It’s not.

It’s just unresolved marital conflict. Call it a stepping stone to a better, stronger marriage!

Your enemy wants your marriage to end. Your enemy is pride and selfishness, the voice that tells you your spouse has malicious intention towards you and doesn’t love you.

EFFECTIVE CONFLICT RESOLUTION STRATEGIES

🔹 Flush Out Strengths and Weaknesses

With all that said, here’s some good news. Marital conflict can be a great resource to flush out differences that weaken your marital structure.

For instance, how to spend and save money is  a common divider. I can spend money well. whereas my husband can save every penny without a second thought.

Unfortunately, I was in charge of our money and had horrible spending habits because I didn’t know what to do. It was a bad state of mind I brought from my past.

We fought anytime my husband would question where our finances were because I felt scared. Finally I said, look I don’t know what I’m doing and I need you to help me.

Owning my weakness made him have empathy for me not knowing and he had a willingness to help me.

Likewise, protect their weakness when they arise as well. They always will.

🔹 COMPROMISE

Did you know there’s a difference between vacations vs. trips?

Come to find out there is in our house.

We went on several “vacations” before we realized, what we believed vacations to be were equivalent to the similarities between dolphins and wolves.

No joke, my husband said vacation, my mind rested in a hotel room, only leaving to eat or swim in beautiful pleasant water (ocean or pool).

To my despair, I’d been rudely awakened by an itinerary a mile long. We would be on the go around the whole town, in and out of every museum available, and nowhere near pleasant water.

I’m talkin water I wouldn’t even touch with my feet inside steel-toed-water-proof-boots!

This led to fights because “vacations” were draining for me. By the time we got home, I’d needed a month to recover because I’m a 63rd black-belt-introvert.

FINALLY, we sat down and shared what we each expected when it came to vacation. Turns out, we settled on a vacation being a resting time and a trip means we’re going to be on the go the whole time.

Compromise made our time away more peaceful.

Believe me, being on the same page makes all the difference.

Communicate and compromise.

Ask yourself if there’s something you need to change about yourself or way of thinking.

We can’t make our own expectations the law.

Using marital conflict as a self-reflection tool will build your character. God wants to build your character. And he’s always testing your faith.

”7

Are you ready to be honest with yourself about how healthy your marriage really is? Get the 7 secrets to fixing your marriage.

🔹 CHOOSE JESUS OVER DEFENSE

What may seem like an attack is an expression of a hurt heart. It’s possible your spouse can’t effectively express what they need and are crying out to be heard.

It’s essential to respond with compassion and humility. Ask questions. Toss assumptions to the raccoons, I hear they’ll eat anything.

To clarify, don’t waste time defending yourself. God will defend you through your compassion.

In the midst of marital conflict, we’re so busy defending ourselves that we completely miss and disregard the other person’s pain.

I ‘m certainly guilty of this. Reality of it is, I defended and guarded myself so often and with so much intensity, I began doing it by habit.

You know why you don’t always hear from God right away. He’s listening. Marriage would be different if there was 100 times more listening than speaking.

 

HUMBLE WISDOM IS BLESSED

The Lord calls us to humble ourselves.

The humble He guides in justice, and the humble He teaches His way. Psalm 25:9

To sum it up, God uses conflict to build. Let him. You’ll be blessed by keeping perspective.

Your spouse is not your enemy. Conflict isn’t a bad thing. Keep Jesus first over defense.

Try it. The next time an argument breaks out, be slow to speak, quick to listen. Use a soft answer to turn away wrath. Show mercy and compassion to win his heart.

Learn.

Become more like Christ through marriage conflict. A house divided can’t stand, so become one!

It’s not easy, but it’s worth it. Find freedom to create a life worth living and one God loves by the power of grace!

Go out, and stand on the mountain before the Lord. And behold, the Lord passed by, and a great and strong wind tore into the mountains and broke the rocks in pieces before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind; and after the wind an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake; and after the earthquake a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire; and after the fire a still small voice. 1 Kings 19:11-13

Share your secrets to handling marriage conflict in productive ways in the comment section below.

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Heeey,

Words are always more fun when you hold that vowel for an extra beat. Am I right? Anyhoo, thanks for stopping by. I'm committed to helping women crush the belief that being loved is possible for everyone but herself while learning to cultivate life with courage!!

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