FUNDAMENTALS OF MARRIAGE EVERY HAPPILY MARRIED COUPLE KNOWS
What if I told you, being happily married isn’t a guaranteed? Marriage has the potential to cut you to your core? Moreover, it will rip the beliefs and ways of life you thought defined you, to shreds.
I’m sure we can agree no one dreams of being anything besides happily married, but the divorce rate shows us that’s not what happens.
Most people get into marriage because it sounds fun and romancy. Ya know, like the movies. 90% of people who jump into relationships are hoping for an amazing wedding that leads to a happy marriage. I’m here to share some truth bombs. Happily married isn’t the wedding; it’s what happens after the wedding. Spoiler Alert: It takes work.
Can you last the distance?
Fight the good fight of faith, lay hold on eternal life, whereunto thou art also called, and hast professed a good profession before many witnesses. For God is my witness, whom I serve with my spirit in the gospel of his Son, that without ceasing I make mention of you always in my prayers; 1 Timothy 6:12, Romans 1:9
Are you ready to be honest with yourself about how healthy your marriage really is? Get the 7 secrets to fixing your marriage.
Marriage is the most sanctifying relationship on earth. It’s also the strongest relationship if done the right way. This unique and often taken for granted relationship demands 100% from both parties.
50/50 makes 100 doesn’t cut it.
If you don’t believe me get married. A bit drastic, I know. Truth is, before you get married; make sure you’re asking the right questions. Once the vows are made you’ll come to realize that loving your spouse takes commitment, some work, and a daily choice to love.
WHAT IS MARRIAGE
First, let me start by saying marriage belongs to God because he designed it. He said one man and one woman, making vows to remain together in union until the death of one, other, or both.
You may have heard the phrase “do life together”. In fact, nothing is more “do life together” than marriage. Shower together, sleep together, and make babies together. You’ll eat, cook, and travel together. They’ll be classes to attend, raising children, ministry, and prayer together. Time will also make way for some laughter, arguments, and everything in-between together.
While that may sound fun, infatuated love tends to overlook the things that push your buttons in favor of the “idea of love”. When you’re dating you may see this person everyday but you also leave and go home to your own space, being happily married looks easy from this point of view.
Don’t take your space for granted.
Imagine the only place you have to go is to the same bed with the person who is driving you the craziest. Prepare for this by learning who your spouse is before getting married. Set a plan in place about how you will handle marriage conflict.
Spend more time planning your marriage than you do planning the wedding. If you’re looking to enjoy happily married, learn what to expect.
Marriage is what happens when the wedding is over and lasts decades longer!
FUNDAMENTALS OF LiVING HAPPILY MARRIED
No secret, divorce rates are touching the stars right now. Sadly, the rates within the church are no lower than those in the world. Truth is disheartening, but you don’t have to be part of the statistic of failed marriage.
Learn the foundational elements of living happily ever after. And no it doesn’t rest on the shoulders of “happy wife happy life”. The ones living that motto are typically miserable.
The fundamentals of being happily married are embracing God’s design.
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#1. JESUS FIRST= HAPPY MARRIAGE
God, Husband, Children.
In. That. Order.
If you’ve ever been on an airplane the stewardess goes through an action plan in case of emergency. The instructions for putting the oxygen mask on are clear, you must put your own mask on before attempting to help others.
Often, I hear women talk about how they don’t care, they’d make sure their children were safe. This kind of blatant disregard for design leads to death. Not only death of yourself, also those around you.
Likewise, God designed marriage. In order to experience a happy married life, follow his guideline.
Seek Jesus first.
Stay connected through his word.
When you’re connected to Jesus you have enough to pour into your husband and children.
#2. HUSBAND IS THE LEADER OF THE HOME
Your husband is the leader. He’s the final say on decisions made about the home and children. Truth bomb, your husband isn’t required to ask permission to make decisions.
Overwhelmingly, wives are running the home, making all the decisions, and providing. Meanwhile, men are staying at home to raise children. This is not the intended roles of a husband and wife.
This is a recipe for strife and discord in your marriage.
It’s important to note, provider goes beyond financial provision. The husband’s responsibilities extend out to spiritual leadership as well. Things like:
- Deciding where to go to church.
- What ministry you support.
- Teaching his wife and children when they ask questions about God’s Word.
- Providing protection both physically and future wise for example, having life insurance in place.
Living happily married will evade you if you fight against your husband as the leader in your home. He has a lot of responsibility on his shoulders, support him don’t fight to rule.
#3. WIFE IS THE HELPMEET
God created the woman to be a helpmeet to her husband. Helpmeet means, help your husband do all that he desires to have done. It could be anything from dreams to open a business, or aspirations to become a firefighter. Including daily tasks, like making phone calls or picking something he needs up from the store.
Also, the wife is called to be a keeper of the home. Be diligent in raising children, doing laundry, and cleaning the house. By design, a wife’s role is to be productive by making the house a home.
There is nothing shameful in being a keeper of the home.
It’s a privilege to be there when your children wake up and when they lay down to go to bed.
It’s a blessing to not have to wear yourself out working a 9-5 which is now more 8-6. 10-12 hours days are the new normal.
Experience shows, people on are their deathbed express regret for working to much. There’s never been a dying person who said they regretted spending too much time with their husbands and children.
Own it! Lord knows, in our current culture women are overwhelmed trying to do “all the things” and it’s not healthy or rewarding. It’s killing us!
You become happily married when both husband and wife take responsibility for their role and live in the joy of the Lord.
#4. SET THE STAGE FOR BEING SUCCESSFULLY HAPPILY MARRIED
The final concept that will make or break your quest for living happily married is commitment. You may be thinking, of course I’ve committed, that’s what the wedding was all about.
Yes, but mostly no.
I’ll cut to the chase here. The wedding was a show. Personal surveys have shown couples that spend less money and effort on a wedding have marriages that last longer than those who go all out.
It comes down to where you’re spending the most attention.
I know I mentioned before but it begs to be repeated.
Real marriage is what happens after the wedding.
That happily ever after everyone is seeking is not an extension of a wedding.
In contrast, it’s every hour, day, week, month, and year afterward. Long after the guests have gone home.
In most cases, vows are said, yet, less than a year later they’re broken by divorce due to irreconcilable differences.
Trust me the wedding wasn’t the commitment. Now is the time to make a full on commitment that divorce is not an option.
You must decide that no matter what happens divorce isn’t the way to handle it.
HOW TO LIVE HAPPILY MARRIED
Get your priorities straight. Jesus comes first, then husband, then children. In order to love anybody with the fullness they deserve you need Jesus.
Your husband is forever, your children are temporary assignments, prepare them well and send them off to build their own lives.
The only person you have from now til death is your husband. Prioritize him.
Step back and support him in his leadership. You know that saying “behind every great man is a great woman”. Yea, that’s you honey.
There’s nothing shameful in lifting your husband up. All that greatness will fall on you too.
Remember, the humble shall be exalted.
And whosoever shall exalt himself shall be abased; and he that shall humble himself shall be exalted. Matthew 23:12
Embrace being a helpmeet. Do you know how much you can get done by not having to go to work. HA!
I loved being in the work field because I was “great” at working. But I hated having to waste everyday going to a job while someone else raised my children for me.
Take the opportunity to make your house the best home you can dream up.
Have real Expectations. Being able to live, laugh and love the happily married dream you have got to work for it. I wish I could tell you it’s all easy peasy.
Unfortunately, we’re flawed humans with real issues that rise at the most inopportune times. You have to commit and stay active in choosing to love, even when you don’t feel like it.
Good news is, if I can do it you most certainly can do it. I’m the queen of terrible wife. I started out incessantly fighting against every single one of these and I had the carnage in my marriage to show for it.
By the grace of God, he has transformed me. I realized my errors and how they contributed to the disaster we were in. Now we are officially a happily married couple and enjoy life together.
You can do better than me!
With that settled, focus on what to expect and the elements of a solid foundation. You’re well on your way to a long, blessed, happily married journey of life.
I’d love to hear some of the things that surprised you about marriage, share them in the comments section below.