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Are you a hoarder?

Hoarding will ruin your life and your marriage. You may be thinking. “I have a bit of clutter but none to the point of destroying my marriage”. While that may be true, what I’m talking about here is mental and emotional hoarding and how going emotionally bankrupt is essential to a healthy marriage.

Back in the old days people married relatively young. Typically, the custom required young girls be virgins before marriage and if by some happenstance she loses her virginity she was considered ruined for marriage.

These days, people go out sleeping around and living a life of sin then after all is said and done they get married. Actually, saying that out loud now makes the original culture make more sense.

Anyhoo, thousands of dollars spent making the wedding day absolutely beautiful, forsaking the “getting to know you” part, then boom!! Offense starts flying around like an elementary lunchtime food fight. You’ve got baggage, he’s got baggage, neither of you knows how to truly love one another. On top of all that, the mental and emotional hoarding continues until you’re bursting at the seams with an overwhelming mess.


You know, these days if you ask a conservative Christian what happened to marriage and what is the reason for the destruction, you may very well receive an answer regarding the LGBT agenda. And while I don’t agree with that sinful lifestyle, I will tell you the breakdown of marriage didn’t start with the LGBT folks.

The destruction of marriage exploded with the declaration allowing divorce by “irreconcilable differences”.

That’s where the war on marriage began and the practice of going emotionally bankrupt ended. The new normal is emotional hoarding instead. Ever wonder how someone can get married and divorced 3 and 4 times. What is going on.

Tell me, do you know the amount of death that comes with divorce over irreconcilable differences. Or, the fact that irreconcilable difference is in direct opposition to the pinnacle of Christianity.




As a follower of Jesus the first thing you should understand is reconciliation. That’s the whole reason Jesus died!

But somehow, when people get married they let every offense add to a running total of debt their spouse owes. Astounding really, it’s akin to paying the minimum on a maxed out credit card. The balance never goes down. It’s debt for life.

Be honest, even if your spouse does a nice thing here and there, the balance from all the negative behavior keeps tallying up until one day you get to a point where it’s deemed irreconcilable.

End result is divorce.



This is devastating. What you need to do is understand why Jesus really died and then go bankrupt.

Mental and emotional bankruptcy in marriage is life changing and marriage saving. It will literally breath life back into your dying marriage.

Jesus conquered death and your marriage is the reflection of your relationship with him. If you don’t understand how going emotionally bankrupt with your spouse is healthy you’re missing out.

The secular world is wicked-bent on being driven by their emotions. God says, allowing your emotions to drive you is the same as a man who builds his house on sand.

Ever stand on sand while the waves crash in and out. It sweeps your foundation right out from under you without a second thought.

Therefore, going emotionally bankrupt is essential to a healthy marriage build on a foundation of ROCK!

After all, if your marriage is struggling to stay above water and you can’t have any kind of decent conversation. Or, the past keeps coming up and can ruin even the best of days, it’s clear you need to do something different.

Face it, what you’re doing now isn’t working and the very definition of insanity is doing the same things over and over while expecting different results.

Jesus wants to see you succeed.


REMEMBER why you got married.

Go back to the beginning and figure our why you got married to begin with. When you got married did you think well if it doesn’t work out I can always get a divorce.

Or were you in it to win it.

It’s so easy to drown in the day to day mundane and redundant aspects of life and fighting. At some point you need to stop and revisit what brought you to your spouse to begin with. What ever drew you to them, remember that.

This may the one time when the fact that the past cant change is a wonderful blessing because they way they were. Who they were. That thing that gave you butterflies will always be real.

EVALUATE what is really going on and what you’re doing to fix it.

Do you want to save your marriage? Do you know what God thinks about divorce? Do you want a broken family or a life filled with reward and blessing? It may never be easy but is anything worth fighting for ever easy? What are you doing differently? What are you doing that’s the same? What can you change? What does Jesus say?

These are things you need to take into consideration. You can live your life raising children and fighting or living in silence but how does that help you be productive. What will your children learn from that? What kind of legacy does that leave behind? What do you want people to remember? That you stayed committed to doing as the Lord Wills or that you gave up. Get serious.

VALUE God’s design.

The Lord created marriage. And when he did he didn’t create a fairy tale wedding he created two individuals who would dance together through life. They learned together. If you think about it Adam and Eve were the first so, they had to learn and grow together. There was no option to go find someone else if it didn’t work out.

Moving forward and experiencing life together was the only option, along with the life mistakes and bad decisions. You don’t think there were some issues after they were kicked out of the garden? The whole blame game and such.

Give your marriage value because God does. After all, this isn’t about you. The Lord wants to see you succeed as a person, just so happens your marriage is by far the most sanctifying relationship you will ever be in. Embrace it and let God work through you!

INSIST on making it work.

Your marriage is only as strong as the two people in it. If you won’t listen to the Lord your strength is minimal. God says his strength is made perfect in our weakness. So essentially you’ve got two weak individuals trying to make the toughest relationship on earth  successful.

If your willing to quit you’ve already accepted death. Insist that your marriage will succeed. Insist on hope in the Lord. Keep pushing forward. Keep getting back up when you fall down. Keep praying and reaching up. Keep pursuing your spouse husband. Keep going because the more you insist that you’ll have a successful marriage the more you’ll believe it and do whatever it takes to make it happen.

VIRTUOUS way of life.

Live in such a way that the Lord is pleased. Marriage was design by way of roles and expectation from both husband and wife. These aren’t I expect you to buy me flowers type expectations. More like, I expect you to surrender, forgive, and have a good attitude type expectations.

Only a virtuous way of life will encompass all that the Lord’s commands. A virtuous woman can change the course of her marriage by living in God’s design and win the heart of her husband. Belief must be paired with action.

In case your wondering, Love is an action word to and you have to decide to love everyday if you stand any chance, take action.

EDIFY your husband.

The tongue is the strongest muscle in the whole body.

Even so the tongue is a little member, and boasteth great things. Behold, how great a matter a little fire kindleth! And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity: so is the tongue among our members, that it defileth the whole body, and setteth on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire of hell. James 3:5‭-‬6

You can change your life by bringing your whole body into submission. It may seem impossible. But truth is, true submission brings massive blessing. Edify your husband, he’ll not only take notice but your lives will be transformed.

You’ve got to make a change. Learn to go emotionally bankrupt God’s way. Sign up for Revive Your Marriage 5-Day Email Course and watch your marriage come to life.

Always FREE! Where will you be in 5 days. Still hurting or on the path to a joyful, loving, renewed way of life in your marriage?

Your marriage deserves a chance and so many others need your testimony of victory. Jesus is in your side on your journey to a transformed marriage.

Come find me on Facebook, that's where I hang out when I'm not writing. Talk soon!

Words are always more fun when you hold that vowel for an extra beat. Am I right? Anyhoo, thanks for stopping by. I'm committed to helping women crush the belief that being loved is possible for everyone but herself while learning to cultivate life with courage!!



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