44 QUESTIONS TO ASK BEFORE GETTING MARRIED
Why is it important to ask the right questions before getting married?
When you find someone you believe you want to marry and spend the rest of your life with things can get a bit hectic or maybe it’s all peaches and cream.
Problem is, both of those feelings are equally bad when it comes to subjectively choosing who you will spend every day of every second of life with for years to come. The term “love is blind” is a real hindrance regarding what to do before getting married.
Love feelings tend to make people forget to do some in-depth interviewing before getting married. More time is spent nailing down every detail of the wedding than digging out the details of the future spouse.
Ironically, the wedding day will come and go but your spouse will remain standing beside you after the dust settles. Do you actually know who they are?
I’ve compiled a list of some of the most important questions to ask a potential spouse before getting married. This isn’t the time to get shy and careful not to offend.
You should be careful not to choose the wrong one by going in deep into who they really are.
I’m sure you’ve heard the term “dodged a bullet”. Well, breaking news, not everyone dies when they get shot. Some are just wounded for the rest of their lives.
Marrying the wrong person has dire consequences. Especially if children are involved. Be wise.
Alright, let’s get
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This is the absolute foundation of your marriage. Do not take “yea, I love God” as a tell-all. Go deep and know you are marrying someone who spends time with the Lord, worships the Lord, prays and seeks truth on all levels.
Know you are marrying someone who puts the Lord before you and the children. That spouse will always have your best in mind if they do because they are being led by the all mighty King.
Don’t just take words for proof. Watch their life and
Consider what the Lord says in Amos 3:3, Philippians 3:17, 1 John 4:1-6, Matthew 15:8, and Romans 12:2. Take this section slowly.
WHAT TO DO BEFORE GETTING MARRIED: ASK QUESTIONS
1. Do you love God? Are you a born-again believer in Jesus?
2. How is that shown in your life?
3. Who is God?
4. What are your most solid doctrines?
5. What doctrines are you still unsure about?
6. How do you walk out Mark 16:15 in your life?
7. What is your favorite book of the bible? Why?
8. What is your favorite passage in the bible?
9. How do you apply them to your life?
How an individual interacts with the people who are closest to them is a tell-tale sign about how they will interact with you. If you learn negative ugly behavior from the family you were raised by and spend a majority of your life with, it is inevitable that that same behavior will reveal itself to your spouse.
Learn what kind of behavior you are facing and if your prospective spouse is aware of the negative aspects and actively working to learn a new way of behaving.
10. What is your relationship like with your parents?
11. How do your parents handle conflict?
12. What is the best thing you learned from your parents?
13. What is the worst thing you learned from your parents?
14. How do you apply those concepts to your life?
15. What is your relationship like with your siblings and extended family?
MARRIAGE & FAMILY
The frame of your marriage is here. Marriage is what happens after the wedding. It is not the dress, dinner, flowers, music, and guests. It’s what happens when you get home and begin living everyday life. If you clash in this area be prepared for many stressful and divided days and nights.
Be sure you agree on who runs the house and who is the help-meet. There cannot be two alphas under one roof.
16. What do you believe about the roles of husband and wife?
17. How would you run your household?
18. What do you believe about godly submission?
19. Do you want children?
20. How many?
21. How do you plan on preventing pregnancy?
The person you marry today should not be the same person you married in a year or 7 years from now. At least you don’t want them to be. Everybody should change somehow, especially if they are a follower after Christ. If they have no self-reflection or nothing they have grown in, walk away! This is a make or breaks, deal right here. Consider what the Lord says in Psalm 26:2, 1 Corinthians 11:28, and 2 Corinthians 13:5.
22. What is your greatest weakness?
23. What is your greatest strength?
24. How do you handle conflict?
25. What are you like when you are angry at or disappointed with someone?
26. How do handle stress?
27. Do you have any addictions?
28. What is the biggest thing you have overcome?
29. What is the smallest thing you have overcome?
Be aware, if you are marrying someone who has been married before or at least has children with other people, you are marrying all of the reality that comes with the children and the relationship your spouse has with the ex. If it is a rocky and difficult relationship it will find its way into your marriage. Not maybe, WHEN!
You are also responsible for raising the children involved. They are now yours too. That is a big decision to make. Depending on the age of the children it may be difficult to formulate a relationship with them.
A successful relationship with them also depends on how their other parent views you. If they are bitter and underhanded they could very well cause division with your attempt at building a relationship with the children. These are things you must contemplate.
30. Have you been married before?
31. What did you learn from your failure?
32. How have you changed since then?
33. What are your beliefs about divorce?
34. Do you have children from previous relationships?
35. What is your relationship like with the mother of your child(ren)?
36. What is your relationship like with your child(ren)?
Ultimately, you want the person you are marrying to have an idea of what they would like to do in the future and be actively pursuing that idea.
Plans are always tentative when it comes to following Jesus Christ. But The Lord says to occupy until His return in Luke 19:13. You don’t want to marry an individual who will do nothing but fly by the seat of their pants and not actually actively occupy in life, consistently pushing forward toward a goal.
37. Where do you want to be in 1 year, 5 years, 10 years?
38. What are your spending habits like?
39. What are your saving habits like?
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Good news is, you do not need to have all of these things in common. In fact, many times people end up with an opposite. It is, however, important to know what you are looking forward to. You’re going to have to decide whether the things your spouse is interested in, are things you are willing to join with them in and/or support them.
40. What is your favorite hobby?
41. What do you do in your spare time?
42. How would you describe a vacation?
43. What do you do when you are bored?
44. What do you do for fun?
AT THE END OF THE DAY
Knowing who you are marrying is so very important. Be purposeful about what to do before getting married. Divorce has become just as common in the church as it is in the world. The destruction of the family unit is because people get a divorce due to “irreconcilable differences”.
Anyone following Christ can’t say there is any such thing as irreconcilable differences. Jesus came for that very reason, to reconcile His people to Him. Everything can be covered by the blood of Jesus Christ, yet two individuals claim they have some amazing irreconcilable differences that aren’t covered by His grace. That is nonsense.
TAKE THE TIME TO ASK QUESTIONS BEFORE GETTING MARRIED
Take it slow and make an informed decision. Is who you’re marrying someone you can grow and change with. Love is not a feeling. The feelings you feel right now, a couple months or a few years into your marriage will wear off. You will at some point, have to wake up each and every day and CHOOSE to continue to love your spouse.
You won’t find everything out and not everything is a make or break deal. However, it helps to know your VOW to remain married in SICKNESS and health, in good and BAD, in rich and POOR is build on a commitment not feelings that ebb and flow like a dandelion seed in the wind.
The hard is guaranteed. Are you willing to walk through the fire with this person? Jesus walks through the fire with those He loves. Consider Shadrach, Meschach, and Abednego in Daniel 6.
What are some questions you would add to the list, share them in the comments section.
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